Baseball announces Steroid Investigation

Twenty years in the making, Bud Selig announced Baseball will begin investigating the illegal steroid use by Barry Bonds and others. Former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell (D, Maine) was selected to head the independent investigation. One need only look to the success the House Committee achieved during last March’s investigation into steroid use that this latest probe will surely give us the results we have long awaited. If you recall from testimony last year, we learned from the players, who testified under oath, that:

• Samy Sosa’s grasp of the English language varies in proportion to the type of appearance he is making…
• Mark McGwire clarified that while there is no crying in baseball, there can be crying when talking about baseball…
• Rafael Palmeiro has a well muscled index finger and has never knowingly taken steroids that need to be given with a shot in the ass;
  

If an entire congressional committee is able to obtain such gems of wisdom from players under oath, imagine what an impartial investigator with only the power to compel players to attend his meetings can achieve. How can you not love America’s pastime.