Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Iranian letter to President Bush

As most know, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sent a letter representing the views of the Iranian people to President Bush, via the Swiss, this week. While portrayed as a diplomatic opening between two nations, this is the first letter to an American President since the 1979 hostage crisis. Though unofficial, the doghouse was able to obtain what is thought to be an accurate copy of the letter delivered.

Not surprisingly, the US has said this letter doesn't even begin to address any of our concerns in a concrete way. More to follow I'm sure.

Monday, May 08, 2006

...and they said JOEY wasn't TOUGH?

The latest news from the NFL equivalent of 'All My Children' is that the Lions will forfeit two off season training days this week in order to settle a grievance with the NFL Players Association. Players will not be required to attend previously scheduled workouts Monday and Tuesday, but will still be paid for them. The complaints stem, as reported by Dan Wetzel of Yahoo sports from April minicamp drills that 'were just to physical'. Read Dan's article, I couldn't have satirically said it any better myself. However, in the meantime we were able to contact a source deep inside the Lions Organization who said that when workouts resume on Thursday they will all have a new piece of hardware attached to their helmets.

Let us just hope none of the players put an eye out with that thing, all the Lions need now is for OSHA to come in and shut down this dangerous place of employment.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

USC Recruiting Brochure

We at the doghouse are a little concerned over this SEC led witch hunt taking place against the USC program and its' student athletes. Carroll himself is confident that the program will beat these charges, but its' disturbing that they are being forced to do so. If you don't believe this program is clean, just take a look at their brochure to new recruits.

How anyone can suspect this program of wrongdoing is beyond us.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Morning After

Am I the only one that woke up with an NFL hangover after this weekend's NFL Draft Bender? Approximately 890 hours of coverage over two days, covering 255 selections in 7 rounds. I TIVO'd the draft, both days of course, so I could replay parts where the wife spoke over St Mel of the Hair. For those that don't understand what watching this event is like, I'd say its' best compared to shoe shopping with Imelda Marcos on Rodeo Drive. With that aside, and with limited capacity to think today, I'll give you my Draft highlights.....

  1. Houston actually believing other teams would have taken Mario Williams over Reggie Bush. 11 sacks in his last 23 games? Funny how all the clips seemed to be of the same game in single coverage. Don't forget, his two line mates went in the first round as well;
  2. I don't see anyone telling Vernand Davis, now of the 49ers, that he shouldn't cry. Guess he's a little more intimidating than the 'stache;
  3. The Jets, Raiders, and Lions avoided sexy and went need. I think Leinart will be a great pro, but kudos to teams for sticking to their draft strategies. Jets did amazing, grabbing a potential 10 year stalwart at LT, and a promising young Center in the first round. Even better, they moved up (after moving down) to take my man Clemens in round 2, which means I'll be getting NY Jet season tickets in a couple years if he develops well!! After all that, they still get a #2 pick next year;
  4. Good thing D. Pends wasn't in the draft this year or the Bills may have reached for him as well;
  5. The nations best Wide Receiver went after 20+ others had gone, including some QB converts. Hass has proven himself before and will do so again at the next level. Funny how a man with such poor speed and ability to separate averaged over 17 yards a catch, while a speedster like Chad Jackson had a whopping 10.2 yard average. Oh yeah, I know, the Pac 10 is 'slow'.
  6. As much as we criticize athletes for leaving soon, it seems the trend is you must strike while the iron is hot. Leinart wasn't the only one hurt by staying in. Oregon TE Tim Day would have been a high day one selection had he come out last year, but he stayed one more season. Wouldn't have been an issue except the Ducks new offense unveiled last season did not utilize the TE as much and his production suffered because of it. All I know is the Bears have themselves a great free agent signing.

Alright, my head is pounding again, I'm going back to watch round 1, just to take the buzz off.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

With the Number One Pick

Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com

in the NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select to make the biggest mistake in their organizations brief history. The Doghouse will be busy watching the Draft this weekend, but will be sure to report back in on Monday.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Joke of Week Volume 2....

A long term welfare recipient walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job."

The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes, and the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays trips. The salary
package is $200,000 a year."

The man said, "You're bullshitting me man!"

The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"

Exciting News from the Minnesota Vikings

The Minnesota Vikings stunned their fan Thursday when they presented their bold new design for the team uniform in a party reminiscent of a NY runway show. As you can see in video of the event, the Viking players 'honored' to be present all shared in the excitement. Red faces and baleful looks aside, all the players shared one thought in common, 'I'm not getting paid enough for this shit'. Considering the average salary of an NFL player, that is quite the statement. Honestly, the Doghouse hasn't seen Vikings so embarrassed to be seen since Eric the Red mistakenly landed on Iceland (I didn't think England was so barren?). However, Viking Fan don't be depressed, as that was not the only news released yesterday. In an attempt to change the image of their players in the media, the Viking organization is proud to announce a new partnership with The Powerpuff Girls. While Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup were not available for comment prior to writing this blog, the Vikings are excited to join these fascinating girls in their crime fighting escapades. Stay tuned for more, as inside sources are hinting they may be replacing their offensive coordinator with a famous broadway choreographer.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Kennedy's Stories that you may have Missed

I wish someone would explain to my owner that while I love Ducks, it doesn't mean I'm a Duck fan. In any case, here are some stories that you may have missed in the news recently....

  1. Sex in Lieu of Rent Gaining in Popularity: According to the story, a growing trend across the country is more and more landlords are now accepting sex in lieu of rent. Not sure how this is really breaking news, its' already been going on for hundreds of years, most often we refer to it as 'marriage'.
  2. What happens when you hire Principal Griswold: How do you award 4 busloads of middle school students for excellence in the classroom? By putting them on yellow school busses for 8 hours of driving across the Nevada/California desert. That's what happened when their planned outing to Six flags in California overlooked one small detail, Six flags was closed that day. Rumors that Principal Griswold stole a security guards gun and made him turn on all the rides for students is still being investigated.
  3. Oregon Man gets Nailed: Just in from the Pony express, in a 'suicide by nail gun' attempt, an unidentified Oregon man high on Meth shot himself 12 times in the head last year. His carpentry work was noticed when he reported to the local hospital with 'headaches' the next day. Xrays revealed the 12 nails varying in length from 1 1/2 to 2 inches imbedded in his skull. It is believed that no one else has ever survived as many intentional shots into the head. While not confirmed, it is believed the extra layer of blubber Oregonians grow to help keep rain off their backs is responsible for his survival.

Well, my time is done, I think I'll go bury his hat now...