Bring out your Virgins!

Earlier this week an Oklahoma man created quite a stir in his community when he placed a sign in his yard. Michael Theleman of Bray, Oklahoma advertised he would pay $1,000 for a virgin bride between the ages of 12 and 24. Succumbing to community pressure, he apparently replaced it with another sign where he reworded his message and left out any ages. At the Doghouse we don't feel Michael's future wedding plans should rest solely in God's hands, so we thought we might help him out by writing a personal add for him.

SBVSWM is Seeking SWVSF

Looking for girls 12-24 to become my wife.

(Will consider a mature 8 as well.)
Future wife will be responsible for cooking, cleaning the doublewide,
all beard maintenance responsibilities, and attending Jr. High School
(Must maintain a D+ average or score

more than 7 on the Wonderlic test).
Family of selected girl will receive $1,000,

payable in food stamps or welfare checks.
Immediate openings available. Serious inquiries only.

Edit: For those who are confused and keep asking me, I do not know what religion Michael practices, but am certain he is not a Mormon as he is only looking for 'a bride' and he isn't a Southern Baptist because he did not say 'God will strike me down if I don't get a child bride'.