Kennedy's Stories that you may have Missed

I wish someone would explain to my owner that while I love Ducks, it doesn't mean I'm a Duck fan. In any case, here are some stories that you may have missed in the news recently....

1. Sex in Lieu of Rent Gaining in Popularity: According to the story, a growing trend across the country is more and more landlords are now accepting sex in lieu of rent. Not sure how this is really breaking news, its' already been going on for hundreds of years, most often we refer to it as 'marriage'.
   
2. What happens when you hire Principal Griswold: How do you award 4 busloads of middle school students for excellence in the classroom? By putting them on yellow school busses for 8 hours of driving across the Nevada/California desert. That's what happened when their planned outing to Six flags in California overlooked one small detail, Six flags was closed that day. Rumors that Principal Griswold stole a security guards gun and made him turn on all the rides for students is still being investigated.
   
3. Oregon Man gets Nailed: Just in from the Pony express, in a 'suicide by nail gun' attempt, an unidentified Oregon man high on Meth shot himself 12 times in the head last year. His carpentry work was noticed when he reported to the local hospital with 'headaches' the next day. Xrays revealed the 12 nails varying in length from 1 1/2 to 2 inches imbedded in his skull. It is believed that no one else has ever survived as many intentional shots into the head. While not confirmed, it is believed the extra layer of blubber Oregonians grow to help keep rain off their backs is responsible for his survival.

Well, my time is done, I think I'll go bury his hat now...